My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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