***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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