I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
If I die, sorry about rent.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
