So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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