I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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