Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
