HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i permit you to call me
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
