wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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