I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
