There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
