I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
