i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize