D3 body, D1 cock
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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