she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
the liver wants what the liver wants
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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