Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Drunk is a universal language darling
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
