my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
