Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
