you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
