My nipple is on Facebook.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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