windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
