He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i just had sex bonerless
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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