dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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