did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
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