What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Randomize
