You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
