She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
