grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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