i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
