Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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