I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
