You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
