If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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