it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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