I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
