stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Randomize
