he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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