I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
