I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize