smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
