I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
