But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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