I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
