Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
