So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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