tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
