Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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