Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize