Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
