Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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