I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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