It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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