I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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