don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
