Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
