Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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