So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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