My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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