Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
