You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Randomize
