when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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