An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
This couple is walking their pig around campus
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
