he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
