he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
