And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
