I'm really into asian looking animals
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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