if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
