I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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