Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
