he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
