YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize