he wants to bone in the snuggie
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize